Trust, And How To Get It

Commissioned by the Radio Five Live Anita Anand programme, broadcast live from the Cameo Club Canton.

As we were in the middle of an election, they wanted some poltical comment.

It's thanks to this programme that I am now Honarary Poet in Residence for The Cameo Club.
Eat you heart out, Andrew Motion!

Trust, And How To Get It

Advice from a Party Mandarin

"If you're seeking for high office then it's very clear you must
Do everything that's possible to gain the nation's trust.
Tell `em how your every move's designed to keep `em rich `nd greedy,
`Nd how your opposition's plans'll make `em poor `nd needy
`Nd if the country's in a state there's one thing left do;
Just tell `em that the sorry mess is nowt to do with you!"
Give `em enemies aplenty; give `em somebody to blame;
Don't just give `em anybody, give `em someone "not the same":
Give `em somebody's who's "different", someone easy to attack
(Providing that it's somebody who cannot answer back);
Make `em scared of germs untreated; make `em scared of what they eat:
Make `em scared of bumping into something "foreign" on the street;
Keep `em frightened; keep `em fearful: point out Britain's slowly sinking,
Keep `em constantly wrong-footed so the buggers won't start thinking;
Raise `em to a pitch of terror `bout hordes plotting to enslave `em,
Then smile, `nd kiss a baby, `cos you're just the one to save `em!"
Show `em you're the answer, show 'em you're the nation's saviour,
Who'll return `em to a land of home-cooked meals `nd nice behaviour!
Tell `em you're the one who'll fend off those who're seeking to abuse `em
(Don't give `em facts and figures, it'll just serve to confuse `em).
Pad your hollow manifesto full of platitudes for stuffing;
Promise never to forego it; promise "Everything for Nothing",
`Nd then they'll trust you!"