Three New Nursery Rhymes, and One Extra

These three new nursery rhymes were written for the Nicola Heywood Thomas phone-in programme on BBC Radio Wales.

A recent tongue-in-cheek report had revealed that children are exposed to ten times more violence in traditional nursery rhymes that in post water-shed television.

The Early Learning Centre also suggested that new nursery rhymes be written to be more appropriate to the New Millennium.

I'm not sure this is what they were after!

The extra poem occured to me on the way home in the car after the programme had been broadcast, but as I'm still giggling about it, I though I'd post it here. Humpty, Hamble and Little Ted were all soft toys used in the now defunct kids' programme "Playschool" (Hamble was a horrible plastic pig-faced baby doll with a tight black perm!)

What Big Ted thought when he found out about it, history has not recorded.

1. A Proverb.

Whether it's fat,
Or whether it's thin,
Eat not a cow
With the spine left in!

2. Strangers.

Never speak to strangers,
Though statistics clearly show
We'll probably be murdered
By somebody we know.

3. Cotton Wool.

Wrap your child in cotton wool,
And before it's very old
It'll know the world's more scary
Than ever it's been told!

Extra!

Humpty & Hamble.

Humpty & Hamble were happy,
Until the day he said
He couldn't "extend their relationship"
`Cos he'd married Little Ted.